Living with Depression is living without joy and happiness
Every time I see people smiling and having fun, I feel even worse and more depressed.
I do not hate them. I hate my life and myself. Sometime I hate it so much that I start thinking about suicide."
Did you notice that when you are single and lonely, the only thing you see in the world is loving couples that are hugging and kissing while love screams out of them so loud that you cannott ignore it?
Depression consumes every part of my mind and body. It leaves me with nothing but pain and suffering. Why should I go on like this? What is the point in being miserable every day of the week, every week in the month and every month in the year?
Do I blame others for my depression?
No, I do not blame them. It is not as if they did not do anything to make me feel worthless, but I guess that it is my problem for caring about what other people do to me. Maybe I am the only person on this planet that cares about what other people think of me or maybe I am one of the few that actually admits to it.
These days everybody pretends to be self-sufficient, not caring about what other people think of them or for that matter, feel about them. Well, I say if you do not care about what other people feel how can you say that you care about people at all.
What is the perfect world? Is it a world without feelings or is it a world filled with love and emotions?
Finally, why am I punished so severely for being emotional and for caring while there are other people that care only about money or some other trivial things that are rewarded with health and peaceful lives? Why do I live with depression and they do not even know what living with depression even looks like?
Am I angry?
Yes, I am angry! I am angry at my parents, my ex boyfriend and God because he allowed something like this to happen to me. I really do not think I deserve this torture and turmoil. I scream, I cry, I am arguing a lot with everybody around me, but I also can sleep for 24 hours straight and not leave my room for days.”
This is a short version of Sandra’s second e-mail to me where she answered some of my questions and posed many others that are interesting for more than one reason.
Firstly, reading her e-mails it is obvious that she is a smart person and has a lot of potential to overcome her depression. She is very eloquent and knows how to express herself. However, even though she is quite smart, her judgment is not as accurate as it would be if she had not been depressed. This is normal and very common for severely depressed individuals.
Wealthy people do get depressed and in some cultures, they get even more depressed than middle class people do.
Second, Sandra is looking for the causes of her depression in others and not in herself. So much so, that she is blaming the whole world for being cold and not loving. This is another common thing for depressed individuals. They are very reluctant to analyze themselves.
The third thing that she pointed out is that everything seems to nourish and deepen her depression. This is the case even with the everyday walks because everything is reminding her of what she does not have (loving couples in the streets). People that are living with depression often face this problem. This is just one of the reasons why their family members and friends need to be educated as to how to behave around them.
Finally, Sandra was very angry, which was a positive sign. It is good for depressed individual to be angry because they can use that energy in positive way in their depression treatment. Sandra did just that, after two years of therapy was back in the collage, and moved on with her life.
You do not have to be living with depression because there are many ways for you to get better and heal from your depressive disorder.